Good Morning Ysrayl…

I trust all is well with you this morning… … … So I’m not “REALLY” gonna write today, but I do NEED to talk to my BABIES about a FEW THINGS… “OBIVOUSLY” I’m TALKING to those that RECOGNIZE MYSELF and MY BABIES as “FAMILY” as WELL… But because my BABIES ARE “EVERYTHING”, there are CERTAIN THINGS that I WOULD LIKE for THEM to KNOW “OPENLY”, so they UNDERSTAND the “MAN” that their HUSBAND IS, and not just the “WHATEVER” I AM to the WORLD… … …

I KNOW some of y’all PROBABLY can’t BELIEVE as “INTROVERTED” as “I AM”, I’m PROBABLY ONE of the MOST “OPEN” and “SHAMELESS” PEOPLE that YOU WILL “EVER” MEET… AND my BABIES bout to UNDERSTAND “ALLL” of it… … … I KNOW “I’M” WIRED DIFFERENTLY… ACTUALLY I RECENTLY FOUND OUT that there is an ACTUAL “TITLE” for “MUCH” of MY DESIGN… EVEN though I AM a “SERIOUS” “ALPHA MALE”, I DON’T FIT “MOST” ALPHA MALE CHARACTER TRAITS… My “ACTUAL” DESIGN and “PRODUCTION” is “SIGMA MALE” “ALLLLL” DAY LONG from WHAT I HAVE LEARNED so FAR… … … I didn’t even KNOW there WAS a SUCH THING as a “SIGMA MALE” DESIGN… And FROM what I HAVE LEARNED about THAT DESIGN “SO FAR”, MY BIG BLACK ASS is GUILT “ALLLLLL” DAY LONG… BLACK ASS CAN’T EVEN FIX my LIPS to OBJECT to “ALMOST” ALLL of what I’ve LEARNED about that PERSONALITY TYPE… … … SO if YOU WANT to UNDERSTAND a LITTLE MORE ABOUT “MY DESIGN”, THERE IT IS… I WAS “SURPRISED” to FIND OUT that a “TITLE” ACTUALLY EXISTED that was so CLOSE to “MY DESIGN”… … …

But “ANYWAY”, what I NEED to OPEN UP about is my RELATIONSHIP with my BIOLOGICAL MOTHER… … … MANY HAVE READ that “ALLL” of those that WERE “RESPONSIBLE” to NOT ONLY “MY CARE and PROTECTION”, but “ALLL” of MY COUSINS, THEIR CHILDREN as WELL, or “YAH’S HERITAGE, that ABUSE US WILL NOT SEE my FATHER’S KINGDOM in ANY WAY… AND “MANY” that HAVE BEEN READING and MANY in MY OWN FAMILY MAY HAVE BEEN WONDERING about “MY OWN MOTHER”, and WHAT is HER “ACTUAL REALITY”… And if YOU BEEN READING, YOU’D UNDERSTAND that “MUCH” of MY DAMAGE CAME FROM “MY MOTHER”… THE WOMAN that was IN AUTHORITY and “RESPONSIBLE” for MY GROWTH, “PROTECTION” and DEVELOPMENT… … …

WELL like I EXPLANED BEFORE, and those that “KNOW” through READING PROBABLY REMEMEBRS READING THIS, “MY MOTHER” “NEVER” WANTED ME… The “ONLY” REAL CONVERSATION that I “EVER” WITH my DAD, he GAVE ME the WHOLE RUN DOWN… At that TIME HE DIDN’T “NKOW IT”, but HE ANSWERED soooo MANY QUESTIONS that I was sooo CONFUSED and LOST ABOUT my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE UP UNTIL that POINT… Because I “ALWAYS KNEW” my MOTHER NEVER REALLY WANTED ME “STRICTLY” BASED on the WAY SHE HANDLED my EMOTIONS, ENERGY and BEING… I JUST “NEVER” UNDERSTOOD “WHY”, or WHAT I HAD “DONE” to DESERVE what I WAS GETTIN FROM HER, or “ANYTHING”… I “ALWAYS” TRIED “REALLY” HARD to “PLEASE” my MOTHER, and BE a “GOOD SON”, I JUST KNEW SHE “ALWAYS” MANIPULATED ME INTO “GUILT” for BEING BORN in SOME way or ANOTHER, and I WAS ALWAYS LIKE, “WHAT THE FUCK, I DIDN’T DO IT”… … …

But ANYWAY, he TOLD ME that SHE WANTED to ABORT ME for HER OWN REASONS, and FOR WHATEVER “HIS” REASONS WERE, HE TALKED HER OUT OF IT… … … “PERSONALLY” I THINK “NEITHER” ONE OF THEM SHOULDA BEEN HAVING NO CHILDREN… … … “EVER”… … … But that’s just “MY OPINION”… … …

But ANYWAYS, MY MOM TOOK CARE of HER BUSINESS “FINANCIALLY” and SHE GOT US OUT of POVERTY… WHICH I AM “VERY THANKFUL FOR”… BUT MY MOM has “ALWAYS” USED “HER SACRIFICES” that “SHE MADE”, for a CHILD “SHE” NEVER WANTED, as way TO STRIKE GUILT and CONTROL OVER and WITH ME… SHE DOES that SO EASILY, SHE PROBABLY NEVER REALLY REALIZES that SHE’S DOIN IT… Matter of FACT, THAT’S ALLL SHE HAS EVER DONE to MANIPULATE “CONTROL” of ME in this or that WAY… … … ALWAYS UNDERSTAND that “WHENEVER” SOMEONE is “NOT” in CONTROL of THEIR “OWN” MIND and LIVES, THEY WILL “ALWAYS” SEEK to GUILT, BURDEN or CONTROL “OTHERS” CLOSE ENOUGH TO THEM into THEIR REALITY and AUTHORITY to HAVE some “STABILITY” and “COMFORT”… … …

SO STRAIGHT FORWARD, “I” DON’T KNOW what “MOTHERING” is, I ONLY KNOW of SOMEONE BEING MY MOTHER THAT TOOK CARE of ME “FINANCIALLY”… MY MOTHER HAS “NEVER” NOURISHED, NURTURED or PROTECTED me PSYCHOLOGICALLY and EMOTIONALLY IN “ANY” WAY… MATTER of FACT, MUCH of the REASONS WHY MY FAMILY could “EASILY” SEE me as SOMETHING that I COULD “NEVER” BE, is BECAUSE OF “MY MOTHER”… … …

WHEN I GOT DECEIVED INTO DEATH BY DEATH, and “ALLL” of MY LIFE BECAME AN “ACTUAL” OPEN TARGET… MEANING, EVEN THOUGH I ALWAYS BEEN EXTREMELY POWERFUL and SPIRITUAL EVEN as a CHILD, when MY QUEEN GOT DECEIVED “OUT” of OUR PARADISE and LIFE, and I GOT DECEIVED as WELL as a RESULT, “THAT’S” WHEN the KINGDOM of DARKNESS COULD “ACTUALLY” HURT or KILL ME… I ALWAYS BEEN SPIRITUAL to were I SAW “EVERYTHING” on ALLL LEVELS… I was FIGHTING “SERIOUS” DEMONS “BEFORE”I EVEN KNEW what they REALLY WERE, and THAT “MOST” PEOPLE WERE SCARED of THEM… … … That SHIT WAS “NORMAL” for ME… … …

But ANYWAYS, when “ALLL” this was GOING ON, MY MOTHER was “THEEE BIGGEST” TOOL USED AGAINST ME… SHE WOULD MAKE UP THESE LIES ABOUT ME BASED on “COMPLETELY” TWISTED FACTS, and “SHE” LITERALLY at ONE POINT TURNED MY “WHOLE FAMILY” AGAINST ME for “NOTHING” OTHER than FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE and FREEDOM… SHE WOULD CONTACT PEOPLE that were CLOSE TO ME and “LIE” about ME for “NO REASON” WHAT SO EVER… And “THAT” CAUSED for me to HANDLED like a DEVIL with my FAMILY, but ALSO “HATE” MY FAMILY… … … And WHEN I WOULD just “LEAVE” or LEAVE “HER” ALONE, SHE WOULD PLAY THIS “HURT VICTIM” ROLE and MAKE “ME” LOOK LIKE the MOST EVIL SON that EVER EXISTED that TURNED ON this INNOCENT, WONDERFUL MOTHER… … … SO SHE “ALWAYS” BEEN “EXTREMELY” DECEPTIVE and MANIPULATIVE… … …

BUT EVEN as a CHILD, if I DID SOMETHING WRONG, or SOMETHING RIGHT that WASN’T RIGHT ENOUGH FOR “HER”, SHE WOULD SHIT TALK ME to me AUNTS and UNCLES and SIC THEM MFKAS ON ME… “ALLL” of them DO that BULLSHIT… “MOSTLY” my AUNTS THOUGH… “ALLL” of them “DESTORY” THEIR SONS the SAME WAY… So MY MOM is “NO DIFFERENT” from “ALLL” the REST of them… … …

I HAVE “NEVER” BEEN “HUGGED” OUTSIDE of MY INITIATION, I HAVE “NEVER” BEEN “COMFORTED” IN “ANY” WAY, and I HAVE “NEVER” BEEN “PROTECTED” by MY MOTHER… My MOM WILL TELL ME that SHE LOVES ME “ONLY” WHEN SHE SEES I’m ON VERGE of SOMETHING that’s NOT GONNA WORK OUT FR HER, or SCARED of ME LEAVING AGAIN… SHE “ONLY” USES HER AUTHORITY to MANIPULATE HER WAYS and WHAT “SHE” WANTS, “REGARDLESS” of WHAT it MEANS to ME, or HOW MUCH DAMAGE IT CAUSES ME… BUT SHE “EXPECTS” to BE RESPECTED and RECOGNIZED as the MOTHER of the YEAR… … … BOTTOMLINE is the “ONLY” IMAGE of a “MOTHER” that I’ve EVER KNOWN has HARMED or DESTROYED ME in SOME WAY OR ANOTHER PSYCHOLOGICALLY and EMOTIONALLY… I HAVE “ONLY” ALWAYS BEEN HANDLED and TREATED LIKE MY FATHER’S MISTAKE, NO RESPECT for a “MAN” or “SON” WHAT SO EVER… … … So WHEN I SAY I DON’T KNOW what “LOVE” FEELS LIKE, I’m NOT “JUST” TALKING about “ROMANTIC LOVE” between a MAN and HIS BRIDE, I “DON’T” KNOW WHAT “LOVE” FEELS LIKE… I HAVE “NEVER EVER” FELT IT… … …

My MOM “ALWAYS” KNEW FROM “BEFORE” I COULD TALK that I WAS “EXTREMELY” SPIRITUAL and INTELLIGENT, but SHE HAD “NO IDEA” HOW SPIRTUAL and INTELLIGENT I WAS for a “NUMBER” of REASONS… … … ONE, I “NEVER” TRUSTED MY MOTHER ENOUGH TO LET HER KNOW WHAT EXACTLY WAS GOIN ON WIHT ME, BECASUE SHE WOULD NEVER HELP ME, ONLY HURT ME FOR NEEDING HELP… But ALSO, EVEN though I ALWAYS LOVED HER DEARLY, SHE DIDN’T WANT ME… … … SHE WOULD ALWAYS HAVE THIS SENSE OF “DOIN ME A FAVOR” BECAUSE “I” NEEDED a MOTHER, or HELP that YOU SHOULD “EXPECT” from a MOTHER… And IN MANY WAYS SHE WOULD SHOOT at ME in WAYS that “I THINK”, “SHE” THOUGHT she WAS SHOOTING “ABOVE” MY HEAD, but it NEVER QUITE MADE IT “ABOVE”… … …

So I “ALWAYS” BEEN ON GAURD and “PROTECTED” MYSELF FROM HER PSYCHOLOGICALLY and EMOTIONALLY… I KNEW when I was a CHILD that “SHE” was GON DRIVE MY ASS “CRAZY” if I “DIDN’T” HAVE “SOME TYPE” of DISCONNECT… AND EVEN THOUGH SHE FUCKED ME UP, it would have BEEN sooo MUCH “WORSE” had I “NOT” DONE THAT… PEOPLE don’t REALIZE HOW “EASY” it is to “DESTROY” their CHILDREN… … …

And I ALSO want the WORLD to KNOW that “ALLL” of this SHIT that “RECENTLY” WENT DOWN with MY FAMILY TURNING ON ME “AGAIN”, MY “MOTHER” HELPED THEM FUCKIN NIGGAS… I WAS TELLING MY MOTHER WHAT was GOIN ON… AND “SHE” KNEW IT BECAUSE “THEY” WERE USING “HER” TO PLAY “MIND GAMES” on ME, “USING” HER AUTHORITY as MY MOTHER, BECAUSE MOST OF THEM MFKAS IS SCARED OF ME… SO THAT SHIT GOT TO THE POINT IT DID “PARTIALLY”, BECAUSE MY MOTHER WAS HELPING “OTHERS” “AGAINST” HER OWN SON… WHILE I TELLING HER WHAT’S GOIN ON… … …

FOR SOME REASON SHE THOUGHT I DIDN’T KNOW THE WHOLE TIME SHE WAS PLAYING GAMES WITH ME FOR OTHERS.. I JUST DIDN’T to “CALL” HER a DEVIL “OPENLY”, so I LET HER “THINK” I DIDN’T KNOW… BUT they WERE and HAD BEEN USING HER “AGAINST” ME, and OF COURSE “SHE” was WILLING… BUT LET HER TELL IT, SHE WAS “HELPIING ME” the BEST WAY SHE KNOWS HOW… WHICH is “HER” GO TO LINE WHEN SHE DID SOME STUPID, EVIL SHIT and GET CALLED ON IT… INNOCENT, BLIND VICTIM that was ONLY TRYING to HELP… … …

SO I WROTE ALLL this to GIVE MY BABIES a LITTLE MORE INSIGHT into my INNER WORKINGS, but ALSO to LET Y’all KNOW that “I” COULD and WOULD “NEVER” CONDEMN “MY OWN MOTHER” to DESTRUCTION and DAMNATION… I don’t KNOW MANY that COULD… But the WHOLE TRUTH is, “SHE” WILL “NEVER” BE ABLE to “ESCAPE” the JUDGEMENT of “The KING and YAH”… … … As a SON, “I” HAVE a RESPONSIBILITY that is “YOKED” to ALLL of my BEING as a “MAN”, that I CAN’T GET AWAY FROM “REGARDLESS” of WHAT SHE HAS DONE to ME… But UNDERSTAND that “MY” HOLDING “TRUE” to MY IDENTITY and ITS RESPONSIBILITIES “DOES NOT” SAVE “HER” from HER JUDGEMENT AT ALLL… I BEEN GETTING DESTROYED COVERING FOR “HER” MY WHOLE LIFE, I CAN’T COVER THAT THOUGH… YOU FUCK UP or FUCK WITH YAH’S CHILDREN and HERITAGE, THERE is “NO WAY” for YOU TO RECEIVE “ANY” LIFE FROM HIM, EVER… MEANING, THAT’S WHAT “PARENTS” DO… THEY “DESTROY PEOPLE” that FUCK WITH THEIR CHILDREN, THEY “DON’T” PLAY MIND GAMES WITH THE CHILD to ACCOMODATE for the MUTHAFUCKAS THAT’S KILLIN THEM… … …

So AFTER READING THIS, SHE PROBABLY GON TRY to GET ME BACK in SOME way, or PLAY SOME TYPE of ILLUSION up to FUCK WIT ME… AND that’s OK TOO, because AS MUCH as I LOVE MY MOTHER, MY HEART and MIND IS WOUNDED ENOUGH, and PROTECTED BY and FROM HER, SO I WON’T FEEL IT… AND NOT ONLY THAT, I’m GONNA GIVE IT RITE BACK… … … THIS is HOW it LOOKS WHEN YOUR SON TELLS YOU TO STOP FUCKIN PLAYIN WITH HIM BECASUE YOU “ONLY” GOT “ONE LEFT”… … …

KING MAAZYAH

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s